crampon altoids: Say 'I do' to strong relationships

Posted by The Hand on February 13, 2012 in Relationships |

Love is in the air this week, so my thoughts have naturally turned to my wonderful husband, Steve.

We?ve known each other for 30 years and been married for 17. I?ve enjoyed the ride and learned so much from the experience of being Steve?s wife, and I?ve concluded ? surprise, surprise ? that nurturing a good marriage shares a lot of similarities with nurturing strong business relationships.

Here are few observations.

1. No one can read your mind.

My family loves to tease me about my ability to communicate what I?m thinking very clearly ? for better or for worse.

Thankfully, Steve is as direct as me and we communicate well, sometimes peacefully and sometimes more enthusiastically, but we are always talking.

In your business life, it?s easy to sit in your cubicle and stew about being overlooked for an opportunity or to avoid asking for help, a promotion or a raise because it feels uncomfortable.

But no one will see you or hear you if you don?t speak up about what you?re thinking, what you need, or how a situation may be affecting you.

You owe it to yourself and your organization to express yourself.

2. When you stop measuring what you?re getting, you get more.

You?ve heard that in a successful relationship, both parties give 100 percent. But that?s not all that?s required. You have to give at least 100 percent and you have to do it with no expectation that your partner will do the same.

There have been times in our marriage when I have needed more from Steve than he has from me, and vice versa, but he never keeps score. Once you get into ?If I do this, you?ll do that? your relationship gets transactional, and that?s a recipe for disaster.

Business relationships prosper when two parties come together for mutually beneficial goals. That doesn?t mean, though, that each party will be giving the same amount at all times.

There may be times, for instance, when you are trying to win a piece of business, that you may decide to give away some education or resources without pay as part of the sales process.

These kinds of gestures show a commitment to a long-term engagement over a mercenary desire to close the deal.

3. There is great strength in showing some humility.

One of the hardest things to do in a relationship is to admit wrongdoing and apologize sincerely. Even in the best partnership, you will hurt your partner and he or she will hurt you.

These occasions call for a humble apology that is without excuses or finger pointing. Steve has always been quick to say a simple, sincere ?I?m sorry? ? and I?m trying to get better!

You will mess up in your professional life, too. If you can acknowledge your errors without throwing someone else under the bus, you will build long-lasting, productive relationships.

4. Maintaining perspective isn?t always easy, but it?s critical.

Steve and I have dealt with surgeries and health crises, parent illnesses and the everyday stresses of managing careers and raising our two daughters, who were born 17 months apart. Things can get messy, and tempers can flare.

But Steve has always figured out a way ? maybe not right away, but eventually ? to bring humor into the situation. It?s been a saving grace in helping us both keep our heads on straight.

Having a sense of humor and perspective in your business life will take you far. Keep this in mind with employees, clients and prospects and watch your career benefit.

5. Sharing the same values is important for enduring relationships.

I grew up down the street from Steve and we both went to Marian High School and then graduated from Boston College and Holy Cross, respectively. We were raised in a similar way and came to our marriage with a common set of values.

These similarities in our background have translated to a compatible approach to life that has made a lot of decisions and situations easier.

In your business life, you will meet people from a variety of backgrounds and cultures and you can successfully do business with any of them.

The key to success is whether you work from a shared set of values, which makes it much easier to build productive engagements.

If you sense a strong disconnect in values with someone ? he may approach business relationships and conduct himself in a way that makes you uncomfortable, for example, or she may value profits over people ? it?s important to recognize it.

6. Showing is always more powerful than telling.

Steve is not overly effusive with his feelings, but I never doubt how much he loves me because he shows it every day.

This may mean offering to take the extra carpool shift, pouring me a chilled glass of wine or walking the dog on an extra cold night.

It also means working hard every day at his job to provide a good living for us. He may not do a lot of talking about it, but he doesn?t have to ? my life is infinitely better every day because of all he does for me and our family.

There is nothing more annoying than a company that brags about their customer service and then fails to deliver. Or co-workers who have to regale everyone with the extra time they put into a project.

Doers do better in this world than talkers, it?s just a fact. Enough said on that.

7. Giving someone space can close any distance between you.

Steve and I are so close, I believe, because we separate frequently. We each have a lot going on as a couple and a family and we love to be together, but we also have a lot going on individually ? from weekends away with our friends to hobbies we pursue to charity work we do, we value our individual time as much as our couple and family time.

It?s very attractive to me to see Steve maintain his friends and interests throughout our marriage.

This observation applies well to a sales or job hunting situation. While it?s easy to get anxious and aggressively pursue a prospective client or employer, sometimes the best thing to do is to give them a bit of space.

You have to walk the fine line, just as you do in a marriage, of not giving someone so much space that they think you are not interested, but enough space so that they see you as a competent, confident person who has a lot going on.

A good business relationship can be almost as valuable as a strong marriage, so think hard about who you engage with professionally, and how you do it.

Happy Valentine?s Day, Steve. You are the best.

Maureen O?Grady Condon of Framingham is principal of Precision Marketing Group, an outsourced marketing department for entrepreneurial, B2B companies. Contact her at Maureen@precisionmarketinggroup.com.

Article source: http://www.metrowestdailynews.com/business/x50590667/Say-I-do-to-strong-relationships